


I'm Comin', Pumpkin

by AWrites



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Is this considered crack?, Ryan is a pun king, Shane is not amused, There was an entire butter/lube debate because of this fic, i cried, platonic shyan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 02:39:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12644454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWrites/pseuds/AWrites
Summary: Shane got really into the Halloween spirit this year. Ryan had to help get him out.





	I'm Comin', Pumpkin

_Bzzzzzt. Bzzzzzt._

Ryan’s phone woke him up earlier than normal. He rolled over, taking it off it’s charger, seeing Shane’s face on the screen.

“What the..?” he started. “Dude, it’s what, _four am!?_ What do you want? Why do you sound like you’re in a fishbowl. You, you _what?_ That’s not gourd. Well how can I take this seriously? You can’t blame me for howling. Yeah, fine, only because this is too much of a treat not to see in real life. I’m comin’ pumpkin.” Ryan wheezed and shook his head in disbelief. That man cannot be left alone for any length of time.

“Who was that?” Helen sleepily asked, awakened by Ryan’s conversation.

“It was Shane, I’m afraid he’s gotten himself in a ghastly situation. He needs my help. Go back to bed, love.”

 

It took Ryan twenty minutes to get to Shane’s apartment and let himself in with the spare key. The front hallway was dark, but Ryan was able to follow the light from an adjacent room  to Shane. Finally seeing the predicament his older friend was set him off again.

“Oh god Shane, this is more grave than I thought!” Ryan exclaimed, doubling over. He found his counterpart sitting in his shower-fully clothed, mind you- with a large pumpkin stuck on his head.

“Ryan! This is no time for your silly little puns! I’d like to get this thing off my head without going to the ER.”

“I can’t help it, I’m a pun king. Hold on. Dude, what would even possess you to do this? And why wouldn’t you carve a face into it? Wait, how did you even call me without being able to see your phone?” The more Ryan thought about this, the more unboolievable it seemed. Shane was supposed to be the level headed of the two… not the pumpkin headed. He took this time to shoot off questions as a distraction while he pulled out his phone and took pictures. Shane was not getting off this easily.

“I just wanted to dress up as Dwight from _The Office_ as a surprise today! I wasn’t going to carve the face until I needed to know if I needed to make this bigger. Now it’s stuck and Sara is visiting her family. You’re the only other person I trust here who, at least I didn’t think would be so immature about this, and you’re taking photos of me, aren’t you? Please don’t. I swear, I’ll… do something if you do..”

“What are you going to do? Or-ange a vampire to turn me? That’d be a pain in the neck.” He cracked up again.

“Ryan!”

“Fine, fine. How do you want me to help? I can squash it for ya.”

“You know what Bergara-”

“Boogara”

“Bergara, do as you please. Take as many photos as you like. Make as many jokes as you like. I’m just that idiot jackass who got a pumpkin stuck on his head. But please, help me get this off. It’s pretty tight around my neck and I’m honestly starting to freak out.” Shane’s voice got a little higher and he spoke urgently. Ryan knew he was serious. He had never heard him sound so vulnerable. Knowing Shane he probably tried as much as he could before calling him, so god knows how long he has had it stuck.

“Shit, sorry dude. I’ll focus now. Have you tried pulling it off?”

“Actually, I am pulling it off quite well. I’m just having trouble getting it off my head.” Shane shot back, lessening the tension.

“Whatever you say. Stay right there. I’ve got a hexcellent idea.”

 

It took 4.3 sticks of butter and a whole lot of struggle to get Shane’s head out of the pumpkin. By the time they got his head out, his face had a slight tinge of orange and he heavily smelled of pumpkin.

“Well if you still want to dress up, you can be Trump. You’ve already got his skin tone down.” Ryan joked, still amused by this situation.

Shane snorted. “At least I know I couldn’t get stuck in a trash can.”

 

* * *

 

me before actually posting on here: aight, you're gonna be cool, mysterious, and classy and you're gonna make yourself sound so eloquent in your author notes

me now, after I sent a group of random people I know on snapchat a poll saying "butter or lube, for a non sexual thing" for this fic: lol nah, imma roast myself in meme form

 

~~it was a close call not gonna lie~~

 


End file.
